Why the hell I am like this?
I am pretty sure that this question would have been asked by all to themselves at some point of their life. There are so many characteristics in ourselves, which we hate or for which we don’t have an answer as to why its like that. Some say its attitude problems, some say, I am pathetic, some say, I think too much, some say, I am a hottie, or very much short tempered. Why am I like this?

I agree, I get to react for very very silly things, and very small things, but I don’t know, I am like that. I am too lazy to take the leadership for helping hand, or to study more, or to take part in any activities. I feel I really need inspiration to move on or to do anything. People say, the inspiration comes from self but I have been calling out to the so-called self to help me out, but I guess its so ziddi (arrogant??) like me; it reacts differently at different times. Even for blogging, I never think too much. If given a topic to write on, I cannot write on it. And this is why I fail to write meme’s quite often. Its just that, some days I just woke up with that blogging mind and some other days with blank mind. The various thoughts starts cumulating up in my mind due to various triggers like the small silly things happening around me to others, or some specific behaviour of friends n family, or it could even be due to some words used by someone to me. I have wondered or rather asked my self, what I want to become, what is my goal, or what do I aim for, why I feel like doing this and that, what is worth and what not, what are my principles or values which I follow, blah blah… But as always, the vision is sometimes blurred.

I guess maybe if someone writes a biography on me, they would know why I have been like this, but only maybe.. The shaping up of genes and their properties is still a mystery to whole world, then why blaming each other for no fault of theirs! Why cant people accept as they are? I feel, maybe there is a limit for our brain cells, to bear the tantrums of another only to a certain extent, and when this limit exceeds, we tend to feel that the other person is not good or has a crazy character. Its their own deficiency that their cells or genes cannot adapt to the vibrations of the other, yet we tend to blame the others. Maybe this trait too is part of the common genetic disorders. This psychological science has always fascinated me, and I keep wondering on the behavioural traits of people. All those abstract terms, the common ones being good and bad, are absolutely relative… Few people shared the same thoughts of this relativity and I really miss the deep discussions we had over the same…

Other than the basic core cells already formed in me, I guess its more of the external stimuli like environment which we live in and grow up which makes up our behavioural traits. And till another external or internal ( wake up!!)stimuli triggers to provide me with the answers, I guess I will keep on asking myself, main aisi kyun hoon…..

.::Epilogue::.

Laxman was a good looking young man from a middle class family with a well-earning job. In his early youth, he had met with a bike accident which resulted in a severe blow to his head. After the incident, his life moved on without any issues. Few months after the incident, there was a gradual change in his behaviour; he got irritated very suddenly, got angry and violent impulsively, and behaved strangely. His family and relatives considered it as the rage of his age, and decided to get him married. The chosen one was Leela.

The life after marriage was not so smooth as all expected. Leela realized this in the first night itself. She moved on with life adjusting with the occasional violent behaviour of Laxman. In due time, Leela got pregnant but his behaviour never changed. At times, in his rage, he even tried to attack his wife violently.

In the end, Leela’s parents applied for divorce. Laxman himself came to leave her with care, at her home. The case went on in court, and meanwhile, Leela gave birth to a baby girl. Laxman went to see the baby to her house, but her family and relatives did not allow him to see his child.

Finally, Laxman’s family started treating him for his abnormality by sending him to a mental asylum(or hospital), where, after sometime, he committed suicide. His suicide note and last words looked like:

“Leela,
Whom does our child look like? Like mom or dad? Hope you’d bring her up nicely without letting her know that her father was mad, won’t you?”