Searching for first birthday celebrations online, I found so many people celebrating their young ones’s birthday with so much pomp, that I get jealous. But on second thoughts, I realize the kid would have much harder time that day seeing all the new faces, and going through what would be her/his first real party. Then I read this post, and now I plan to preserve those dresses and other items, till I get a beautiful trunk like this one.

Yeah, the home decor madness has not left me, rather has increased day by day, from the time I have started following Preethi. As mentioned in my last post home decor items are very expensive here, maybe everywhere, if you go searching them in various lifestyle stores. The eco-friendly products, recycled products, and indian handmade crafts turn out to be much cheaper especially in select startup stores, which are increasing day by day in Bangalore. Facebook is a treasure for finding such local people, local stores, and online stores for such inexpensive home decor products.

Another dilemma is regarding work. I could find so many people started working after being mom, but I wonder how they could entrust their child in some other hands. I agree there is a big bonus financially with double incomes, but what about the salary to the maid, cook, or help or day care, and the emotional trauma we give the child? Sometimes I feel I did the right thing, and the next minute, career-oriented educated woman inside me wakes up from nowhere. It starts bashing me, asking what am I doing whole day sitting at home, running behind toddler,fighting with her tantrums, not even looking after myself, and getting mad at not getting a break!

And then, N starts again.. She looks at me so innocently with a twinkle in her eye(really I could feel that, I guess all moms would agree on this), hiding a smile at the corner of her lips, waiting to crawl forward, once I start moving towards to catch her..

That.. answers me…

The initial post natal days are so tough that you wish the baby would grow up soon so that you can be free again and be not bound for breast feeding. And when she stands on her own, you feel how big she has grown and wish for the cute days once more when she would beat her legs in happiness, making the old bed creak…

The day I start missing her babyhood
is very near…

And then, there would be soon one day when she is so independent, that she can be on her own in a day care or with relatives and then to school, moving to her own bed and maybe one day demanding a room, leaving RK and me to watch her grow to a young woman….

The day I would start missing her childhood…

What a dilemma…

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I could find so many mommy blogs, who blog from day one, recalling all their experiences of the day and the D-day, and what not. I wonder where do they get time for all these. My li’l one, N is now 9 months, and still I could find barely enough time to write this post in a hurry. Just to keep the blog alive. And to remind myself that I could find time for myself..

But if I start writing on mommy things, this would turn out to be a mommy blog which I don’t want to. Rather I consider this as my personal blog, which could contain these kind of posts too, but along with it, I feel it should contain some techie things which I browse, the new mobile which I am using, or other philosophical and innermost thoughts, my conflicts on whether to join job or not, my new found interests in home decor and my new home etc etc.. Hmmm..

Meanwhile checkout other mommy blogs, I found recently. Not the popular ones, but good blogs of mothers who shared their day-to-day life as mom, but which may not have comments, and some of which may not have been updated recently…

http://bangalore-mom.blogspot.com/

http://theerailivedin.wordpress.com

http://indianinfant.blogspot.com/

Though the oncoming responsibility is nearing the shore to put down its anchor, for me, it still seems to be on the horizon. The realization will dawn over the time, I suppose, just like in the process of marriage…

Every month, on reading the fetal development facts online or from magazines, I am amazed at the marvelous project called human being created or formed by the Unknown. I presume, this complexity maybe far far higher than that from other organisms.

Until the kicks or movements arrive in the sixth month, you never realize whats going on in you. And from then, you have company. To speak to, to sing to, to dream of…

They say, its important to be mentally happy and free from tension at this stage. But everyday, from the television and newspapers, we find umpteen no. of dreadful news and sad incidents, full of negativity. The importance of getting self-inspired has gone much higher these days. And that itself is another daunting task.

The only solace these days, is the newly found interest in the home decor and interiors. The inspiration may have come from the nesting instinct growing in me coupled with the visions of a beautiful dream home and family…

Guess its the dreamy season raining. By the time I have got drenched in it, I would have been woken up from my slumber, never to sleep again for quite a while in the coming months, but with the golden realization of being a mom…

Today, after many days, I chanced upon a blog, rather a personal blog, in which the author, would not have had a second thought in penning down her emotions, or would not have bothered about who would read them, or what they would think of the author etc. It reminded me, a glimpse of who I was a few years ago. At that time, I too poured out whatever came in my mind, without checking how long is the sentence, or without revealing the names, or without bothering whether my friends would read my secrets. I missed her, the old me..

And lo, the writing streak appeared once again in me. I realize now, that I was not bored of the blog or the process, I was rather fed up of the ‘big’ and ‘successful’ blogs, which I was trying to imitate. On retrospection, I could find many posts, in which the opinion written, is not the same at this time. I wish I could rewrite them, thinking of all the aspects which I missed out that time. I feel I was not writing as a human being, rather flowing in the sea along with others, in trying to grab the keywords, and popularizing the posts and blog.

What a strange coincidence it is. The ‘new life’ inside me has brought back the memories of the ‘old life’ I had, and maybe transforming myself to a ‘new me’.

I am unsure of what to think of the ‘movements’ I feel in me. Am I to be reminded of the huge blows I am gonna receive in the future leaving me shattered or consider it as huge waves which is gonna cleanse me and give me the happy feeling of enjoying them?
I guess its both…

A child receiving his wages from the master,
The happiness of having a whole meal,
The satisfaction of having notes of money,
The responsibility for himself and family, if any,
The independence, the loneliness,
And the innocence…
One click reveals it all…

One click.

Anxious passengers waiting for bus,
The plight of the people and the bus stop,
The hope of reaching their destination,
Prayers for time and life to stop ticking,
The joy of freed school children,
And the exhausted old grandma…
One click reveals it all…

One click.

The adventures of train travel,
The immense length of the train,
The location and appearance of people,
Meetings and good-byes at the same time,
The pleasure of vacation start,
And the tears of separation…
One click reveals it all…

There was a time, when I used to cringe at a book or magazine if it cost more than Rs.20. Now I am buying occasionally magazines of Rs.100 just to look at the style pictures and drool over it. One thing I realized is, there is no such home decor magazine meant for middle class people. Most of the cover story deals with highly priced luxury items, which makes us think that home decor is expensive, while I believe its contrary. The creative ideas, and simple ways of rearranging, and making re-use of old items are mostly inexpensive. Then, as usual, I latched onto the greatest resource of all. The internet. The innumerous blogs by interior decorators, or designers, or photographers, created just by passion gives a whole lot of ideas than those highly priced books.

And that’s why I am gonna show you my “Home” bundle from my Google Reader, which may double up and revive the old series of Webscape Links which was alive in this blog few months ago.

Along with this new interests, some old interests too got rekindled.

The DIY ideas and craft ideas which I have always liked from childhood. I remember my father doing all sorts of odd work at home, ranging from repairing, plumbing and reusing old items and many others. Instead of buying new notebooks, he would sew blank pages torn out from various used books. For pen holder, he would cut open a used bottle or can. He had a stamp collection, in his younger years, and  we both together had a collection of pens in my younger years. He had a vast tool kit with which he would do most of the odd jobs. And I used to be his assistant. .

Is Father’s Day coming up? Though, just like my any other close relation, I don’t think I would ever be able to say to him how much I love, admire and respect him for what he is.

And from my mother, I guess its the sewing skills that came onto my genes. Though I do not know how to handle sewing machine and do embroidery works, it was a hobby which she couldn’t continue due to her job which deprived her the time and a weak back which restrained the amount of work on the sewing machine. I remember both of them (my parents) sewing cushions and beds from old bed mattress..

Anyways, without drifting on longer, I would like to show one of my completed work using Anchor stitch kit before signing off.

Any comments?

See you with more pictures of old experiments hopefully sooner. I have found some culinary pictures and some flower pics, which are part of my ever-changing interests.

Looking back, I can only remember painful anguish, disbelief and blankness on the faces of people who I have been honest to. Hence being truthful or honest, is the most risky thing to do, as most people term them as arrogant and blunt and short tempered. Honesty is the best policy only when the situation is apt or the persons are suited for being honest to.

In this place and time, where bribery, politics and crooks  rule the world, I have often wondered what would be the value of truthfulness and honesty. Everywhere, you see the ads saying “Sach ka saath do”, “Truth wins”, “Stop Corruption”,the Jaago Re campaigns. What use of these revival, when we cannot implement them. There are many instances where even if we want to be truthful to ourselves, we are not able to. A simplest example would be the government offices. I came to know that in Bangalore, for every property registration, bribes are a must. Maybe this happens in other cities too. Does that mean we should stop buying? Who will pay for the loss. Only us. This reminds me of “Hindustan” movie or “Indian” in Tamil, where Kamal Haasan goes on stopping corruption. Totally ‘bakwaas’. It rather inspires people to take the violent path and nothing else.

These days, everyone is being too much diplomatic. People are not honest in relationships too at times.  Words like truth, love, trust and friendship have lost its value. You get reminded of these only when, small kids ask big big questions of life for which you cannot answer. Every person has a different face for different persons. God promise and mother promises are made to hide the facts from many people.

I remember an instance just before my marriage. It was marriage eve, and for the reception we did not had arranged for beauticians. But in the last week, we had second thoughts and we went to ask the parlors for the makeup charges. Prices very very huge, though we said it was just a homely function and not a big reception and that it would be enough to assume it as just a normal party at home. Finally, mom arranged at a parlor saying its not for marriage but just for a different party. When I went there, I could not hide truth and they made me blurt all out. They were very furious, and was behaving very strangely. I did not even liked the make up they did.

For that matter, some local stores behave exactly opposite. For medicines or similar things, if we do not find in one store, the store people themselves help us out by offering where we find the medicines. They could have told that the medicines would be available next day or something like that and make us visit the store again. They did not.

Is it the money that plays the crucial factor for different people to  forget humanism? Maybe it is. Maybe its not. What about jealousy and greed? Bah! there are so many negative sparks spreading around. Its best to not talk about all these.

But will we able to teach the next generation about right and wrong, honesty and humanism, when we do not practice ourselves what we preach? We never know…