She and me…

She came in to my life on a fine one day,
But I didnt knew, she came there to stay
We stayed together from then, for a reason,
But i didnt knew, there would be an end to the season.

I loved her round and cute pink face,
Which left me at times in a daze.
Many a times she combs her straight hair,
But as always, she gives up in despair.
I tried initially to convey, but in vain,
That she looked a beauty even in plain.

We travelled in Chennai and went round,
Sharing the old and creating new memories all around,
Being the bubbly and talkative she is,
I would always nod my head in every 2 mins.

We shared the bed and our secrets, but never crossed our path,
We did fight, but always in silent wrath.
But when i fell ill, she gave silently a pill,
And cooked rice, when she never did it before, even for a drill.

Many walked into our lives, and many went away,
But we both saw it through without much sway.
We were called man and wife by some of them,
And we never bothered to correct any of them.

As I stand wondersruck at God’s gift to me,
I wondered about both of our fate and destiny.
I am now forced to leave her there,
Not knowing when to meet her somewhere.

I could feel her pain of loneliness,
But dear, I am also devoid of happiness.
Though I have few friends and an elder sister,
They can never replace you at all, ever either.

I will always be happy at my fate,
To get such a wonderful first room-mate.
As time and life forbids, we met now with parting eyes
But as you said earlier, never ever say good byes…

Offbeat…

These songs have been crying out in my mind for the past few days. Both are too senti and I guess this and this are the main reasons for me getting disturbed these days.. Strange how music can change your mood!!!

Being Missus…

Just short of few days to complete one month… Yes, its been more than 3 weeks of my marriage.

People keeps asking how is the new life. As if I have resurrected from an escaped car accident! Maybe I have changed. Have I? As they say, everything lies in the eyes of the beholder. My perpective may be different from others.

I am blank for past few weeks. So many things happening, new relations, new families, new environment, new friends, new town. I agree everything is new. But aint I still the same? I don’t feel myself now. As if I have been pushed to a new world. But if I rethink, I am not absorbed by the new whirlpool yet. I guess I am on the edge. If you ask what’s on my mind, I am unsure. There were so many I wanted to think of, but it doesn’t settled on one lest to pour them out! There are so many things I am missing now, but also excited of the uncertain life ahead. It seems strange when people who knows you treats you as someone else, but it also feels good when unknown people starts respecting you for being Mrs. I know I am not just a friend or a daughter anymore, I am more than that… But… Is it that being too good to me, has disadvantages also?

I feel I am losing my self, even when I am gaining a new identity… What am I now??!!

Fast track…

It was over 7.45pm. The last bus to my home will start within 15 minutes. I swiftly closed all windows, logged off my machine, and closed my drawer. Taking the bag onto my shoulder, I moved out of my desk, walking towards the corridor swiping out my id card. At the corridor, he joined me, with a blank face. He too maybe going home, in his bike.

..::::..

11 months ago:

It was over 5.30pm. The first bus was at 6.30pm. The new mail notification was smiling at me at the system tray. It was the mail from him.
“Hello, when leaving?“
“Not decided. What about you?”
“Not much work today. I may leave by 6.30“
“Hmm..Ok, catch a seat for me too”.. “if possible..”
“If possible huh??? I will think about it..“
“Keep thinking.. But inform me before the bus goes.. , I wonder what is there to think!!”
“Like whether I need to bear your chitchat whole while in bus n all…“
“..What!!…”
“..hehe…“
“……”
“…”

..::::..

The last leaf

Its raining heavily in Chennai. And that too in summer. Totally unexpected. But I guess, in life, the only thing that should be expected is the unexpected. Thats the only thing that sustains. Seasons do change. But how and when, is unpredictable. Does Man knows about these?? Do they care about the climate? Whether it rains or not? Whether its sunny or not??? They just complain. “Oh its so hot”. “What a stupid rain”. “What a gloomy day” blah blah… But after all, they are not at fault. When someone says, “its so hot”, its crazy to say “hey no, its sunny but its a beautiful day”. Strange!

Is it so hard to be different?? People say those are some hard core facts of life which we need to accept and move on. True indeed, there are some situations which is out of our control, but chasing our dreams is always in our hand. The dreams need to be flexible indeed as per the situations, and in some cases, its upto us, to find out the fulfillment of our dreams in what is happening around us.

The leaves have worn off now due to the climate change. And what is left are the dropped off leaves and their memories. Some people are busy cleaning up the dry leaves and clearing the mess. But then what will be left out? Isn’t life beautiful with the dry leaves filled on the ground, with some few leaves left on the rusted tree??? Isn’t the last leaf always beautiful???

Source of Happiness

Happiness. The word itself can make you smile if you are in a good mood, or can reflect all the bad memories if you are in a dull mood, and can set your minds thinking psychologically if you are bit crazy.

Thinking of third aspect, what is your ultimate goal in life? Some say, thats the question which drives our lives, some say its attaining Moksha or Nirvana, some say it is to perform our duties and responsibilities, and some even say its to reach near God! These are all spiritual goals in one way or another. What about materialistic goals? Gaining money or Becoming famous or is it living happily? I know I know, its all.

I remember studying a story as part of school curriculum, about three brothers. I don’t remember the exact details, but it was something like, inorder to settle the dispute (over the inheritance of wealth or something), the King announced that who ever is successful after 3 (or 5) years, he would be chosen as the favourable chosen person. The chosen one was a poor farmer, but he was happy. The story ends with the moral that contentment is the ultimate wealth.

Every person in the world faces troubles. There happens mood swings when all thoughts pour in your mind. The self-development and inspirational websites help us to some extent to give instant boost, but the effects fade away easily. In many of the websites, they preach to develop friends, or to get busy in something or other, or to work towards your goals and etc. But for all, you need a li’l inspiration, a lovely pat, a small cheer up or a wonderful smile…If you are happy and smiling, you can give a try making others smile too and talking them out. But what if you are not? Thats where we need to improve.

Some people call up their friends to talk. They are lucky to have such close ones to talk them out. But there are situations when they are not reachable or times when we cannot reveal to others. Some just brood over for some time and then recover themselves. Some just hide it in the corner of their heart leaving them to pile up and live as if nothing happened. Then when limit reaches, everything blurts out leaving you shattered. Is this worth? Can’t we share out? No. Because people are not willing to hear out the troubles of others, but just expects the world to solve all the problems.

Why don’t we share both the happiness and sorrows. Have people become so narrow minded or selfish? Some blame it on individual behaviour and some blame on the rules of the society. But isn’t it influenced by the environment we live in? Why don’t people change themselves and love others, instead of learning to hurt them. Why don’t they realize that the source of happiness and peace is themselves? As usual, there would be no answer…!!

Silent passengers…

The rise of a new dawn,
Or is it another dusk,
Yet another week forlorn,
When bygone memories sink

Change is needed indeed,
But not that much to carry the soul away,
Thats too much then I feel,
To live a life with dead hearts which doesn’t awake,

Some say, life is a quest,
From which we churn the answers,
And very few do we trust,
Amidst the hunt, without fears,

Why the customs n the rules,
If they cannot sustain the bonds,
Its hard to live like a mute,
To pertain to life without fonds,

But why blame the rules, when the near can stand
To wash away the pearls and golden moments,
As if all the hope and love I do is just pretend,
And giving back is not worth even a few cents!

Its time I realize my priorities; they explain,
But to foresee not, the throne i bestow them,
Their blindness do pricks, and thrusts damn pain,
After all, how can they do to me such a maim!!!

The ticking clock…

It has always amazed me with its characteristics. Being one of the unsolved strangest mysteries, time does not travel back. It just goes on. There have been innumerous moments when we felt for just one sec, to stop the ticking time. Not because we are afraid of the future, but because we don’t want to lose the beautiful moments of the past.

There were times we didn’t mind being at home, cuddling around our mother whole day and hugging her at frequent intervals.. In the race for getting money and power and what not, we now rarely get leave and holidays to spend one day with her.

There were times we played with our relatives and cousins and siblings in holidays. And now they all are grown up. They now meet at the occasional functions and say hi and bye together with a smile.

There were times we sat in the back bench in our old school and played with the pencils, pens and boxes of your school friends and longed for one day to wear the color dress. Now, you are busy buying sarees to attend the same school friend’s marriage function. You discuss and make fun of them and then end up thinking, one more off the chain…

There were times when we bunked the college classes to hang around here and there writing assignments, and records and laughing for every word we said even amidst the tensions of lab and semester exams. Now, even when we are just few miles apart, we rarely call each other…

There were times we enjoyed the beauty of life with our room mates and friends, by hanging out and being in the room. The discussions and jokes, the frustrated rants about the office work, the fever and illness downtimes, watching of movies, the beach outing, the photo sessions, the lunch and dinner treats and the group shopping, the Uno and donkey card games, the making fun of each other with the relationships and all. Now, all are scattered in different parts of the world, with barely few phone calls and mails to each other…

PS: The alarm clock next to me, shrieked heavily. It was already 7 in the morning. Its another day already.
But.. ain’t I slept just a few mins ago…! Hmmm… Mayb not..

Nothing…

The rains had just stopped. The sky was getting clearer. The waves was slowly splashing across the shore, as if some storm had passed by. He was looking onto the horizon and the serenity of the sea. He loved beaches. The sea and the infinity tinkled his mind and soothened his brain, or does it make him think? Whatever. She continued changing her gaze on him to sea and after a while onto him again. She loved being with him on his favourite place to enjoy the silent calmness. Maybe cos he is at his best when at beach? Whatever.

Slowly, smiling at one of her alternative gaze, they looked at each other as if asking “kya dekh rahe ho” to her. As if to answer him, she smiled back bleakly.

“Why smiling”
“Nothing…”
The smile portrayed the hidden flirting playing on her face.

“Hey do you remember the first time we came here?” She continued.
“Ya.. And that time you were sitting 5 feet far from me!” He said making a sad expression.
“Hehe.. Ya. But you were blurting out all those philosophical crap, and was not at all making me feel that you want me near!” She smiled playfully again.
“Yeah. Thats was the beach effect.. but later on your effect was the one prominent na. “
He gave her such a smart look, that she blushed and replied, ” Hmm… “

Both sat in the silence followed. Memories were gushing up as like the blood through the veins. The fate always liked to play the game by rewinding and playing it all again. The times had changed, but the music prevailed in the air.
Finally she couldn’t bear the silence more. It was tearing at her heart. Her face became serious slowly and dark owing to the sadness.

“I am getting afraid ya..” She said it very slowly, looking at his face, as if waiting for him to respond and caress her.
” For what??? ” He was stupid from the beginning in understanding these small girlish hints..
” That guy is coming to see me next Sunday na.. “
” So…? “
She glared and stared at him blankly on hearing such a passive response.
” We already decided na, then why thinking of it again n again..” He couldn’t understand why she thinks too much always.
” Hmmmm.. yeah.. but.. “
She couldn’t look at the beach nor the sky nor at him. She held her heads down at the sands. She found herself in them. Soft and scattered.

” Now what???” He never could see her sulky for long.
After what it seemed to be a long silence, she replied slowly thoughtfully..
” Nothing…”
They sat in that silence with the sea winds blowing onto their face.

.::Epilogue – When you say nothing at all… ::.

Friendly Strangers

Online friends, or unseen or unmet friends…

It had been my old habit of talking to strangers. The world of internet had opened to me long back, a new way to make new friends. Being member of various tech forums( don ask why I joined them! ), I had so many acquaintances to whom I could chat online in yahoo/msn messengers. There was a peak time, which even persuaded me to enter the chat rooms and I was chatting in 3-4 windows simultaneously with strangers starting with the “asl”. I don’t remember the names now, but I do remember that I had talked to one person who claimed to be from Pakistan. And there was also another person who was so talkative and so impressive in his talk and humour style. Now, when I think back of those days, a smile or rather a sheepish grin originates around the corner of my lips.

Though I had been the regular member of Tech Arena and then the Tech Enclave, it all started with the Digit forums. There are some long lost members who know me (and vice versa) by just an online name and nothing more. But there were few who kept the relation going, and thankfully to them, it is still active, through some strange bond, and also with the help of the common link Chennai, blogging and of course the messenger! Over these years, I knew them only through the posts they make in some new tech forums, the yahoo chats we have, and the photos in orkut, the mobile smses, and very few have gone up to the stage of mobile calls (that too some calling almost daily or twice a week!). The chains were missing in between for a while, but I guess its the Time who linked the broken links of the chain to bring us more closer. These unknown but, friendly strangers, have grown close to play important roles in my life in the form of brothers, friends and some more than that.. It is indeed a strange experience, to discuss with a person, whom you never met, though you have either seen the face or heard the voice. And especially, when they grow up to become your closest friends in your life, just like one of the Top friends in Facebook. The relation may get worse or better after the meet, but I guess its always the same whenever you meet any of them for the first time. Though I agree and I should warn others to be careful while disclosing the details to your online friends.

The month of October has lots of memories related to me in the past two years. And I hope, this month it will turn out to be yet another memorable month. Before any such meeting with online friends, I always feel an excitement, creating a big hush of waves in my mind shore, of past storms, of the hidden consolation, or of unknown future.. Maybe I am again just into such an emotion, as usual…

Hmmmm……